When I have a place of my own, some form of relaxing rocking chair or recliner will be the perfect asset to enhance my porch or balcony. For now though, a cliff-side rocker in the Eastern suburbs of Sydney will do.

Lupfer Shark

A Markus Lupfer shark sequined sweater. Seems fitting for an Australian winter. Amazing.

Ellen and her fluffy tale

I hate it when columnists write for the sake of attacking their political opponents, rather than for the merit of a good bout of writing and an expression of ideas.

I dislike David Cameron for most of what he stands for and for being so ignorant, but he presents nuggets of sense from time to time. Nurses? Various reports from 'ordinary people', from medical folk, and from documentaries reveal that they're not always up to scratch. David Cameron recognises that they waste time. Generally speaking, of course. So he is hoping to make a change amongst them. Barbara Ellen, columnist for the Guardian, defends nurses seemingly because she is a Lefty and that's what we do. We stick up for 'the people'.

She clearly only has a small amount of space in which to write, and she is not an investigative reporter. But why sensationalise 'the plight of the nurse' and the extraordinary work that they do in return for pittance and criticism? So that she can offhandedly attack the Tory opposition. It's a careless piece of writing that merely fills the space she is meant to fill.

I suppose her underlining theory is that this government is in some of its early stages of dismantling the NHS and gradually and tragically morphing it into a private organisation. With this I stand by her. The NHS, in theory, could be magnificent. It is a far better system than those that most other countries hold, and it would be a tragedy to lose it.

However, the fact is that it is far from perfect, and the failing of the nurses - generally - is definitely something that needs to be addressed. They waste time, energy and money. If it is Cameron who is performing this ugly task of addressing the issues, even if it is with the future agenda of making it private, then so be it. It cannot continue as it is.

According to Ellen, the problem with the nurses is that they are "under-staffed and over worked", when the reality appears to be more along the lines of the fact that they appear to be disorganised and inefficient. I refer to the previous entry that I wrote about the medical profession, which includes a first hand account from a newly qualified doctor who trained in London for a few months. Obviously, A&E in London offers a different scenario to your average local medical centre, and there are probably some marvellous nurses and carers, but the bottom line is that the structure of the nurses and their work within hospitals, clinics, A&Es needs to be rejigged or overhauled.

I'm sure that there must be an overwhelming sense that they are over worked when they are running around all over the place trying to find a file for a patient that wasn't put in the proper place because there isn't a proper place, but sadly this wreaks of incompetence to me. If all it takes is a restructuring of a few filing cabinets (electronic or otherwise), training in how to take blood so that the basic levels of care can be taken to a good schedule, and knowing where the operating equipment is even kept, then a more efficient use of time could be embraced so the nurses won't run around looking as if they have misplaced their sense, and they may look and feel less harried.

I am simplifying this, of course, but then so is Ellen. Everyone knows it is not all fine and dandy amongst the nurses, but injecting more money into a seemingly structureless organisation will only allow incompetencies to flourish. Bring in an external team of assessors, shake it up, restructure, reorganise and implement. Yes, this would involve an injection of cash (an injection that this government is unlikely to provide considering their ruthless withdrawal of pounds), probably some resistance from the older medical hands who will defend their practices, but it will be an investment.

In the likelihood that government money will not be provided, surely someone out there has just come into some extra cash? Perhaps they received a bonus? Or someone with excellent interest rates in an off-shore bank account? Anyone? These good people could fund the wise business strategists to give the NHS and the staffing an overhaul...

*cough* Please forgive my idyllic sentiments and my silly wish for Utopian health care. Foolish of my thoughts to wander so.

So yes, Barbara Ellen, the NHS should be targeted. And after the nurses, it should be the organisation of the medical centres and how to register; then how to book an appointment; then how long an appointment can last; then re-teaching GPs about creating a rapport with their patients; then.........

Surgery

I had an interesting conversation with a newly qualified doctor just recently, who is from Canada, studied in Melbourne, and spent time in London as part of her course. I think she has a solid perspective of what works and what doesn't work in health care.

As someone whose only experience with health care is in the UK, I found it to be an enlightening conversation to say the least. She stressed, for example, how poor the organisation of the NHS is from within, and how it affects various aspects of the business. In particular, she outlined how shocked she was at the work of the nurses. I recall various media reports on how nurses are overworked and underpaid. When I told her of this, her eyebrows disappeared into her hair line and she essentially said that from what she could see in the two hospitals she worked at in London, they do not deserve more. In fact, she said that due to the incompetencies that kept cropping up, if she had the power, she would have fired many of them on the spot.

When she was observing surgeries, she reported that the nurses were almost a hindrance. They had no idea about the process of various surgery routines, and no idea about the tools that were needed. When asked by a physician for equipment, they often handed over the wrong tools, or simply couldn't find them. When the latter occurred, they would have to go from the room, sometimes for ten minutes at a time, in order to collect the correct instrument. The surgeon and patient would be left waiting for that period. An inefficient use of time for the surgeon (and nurse) and dangerous for the patient.

She compared this to the process in Australia, and said that whilst the nurses were similarly seeking higher wages, they ran the show. Surgeons relied on them, patients relied on them, visitors relied on them. They know each and every patient in their ward, know where the files are kept, know where every bit of equipment is and know the details of every procedure in the operating room so that each detail can be taken care of. Think of Mad Men's Joan. She is the office equivalent of an Australian nurse. Wholly indispensable. In London A&Es, the nurses appear to have no clue where anything is, how it works, and they have no inclination to pro-actively introduce order. As far as I can gather, many seem to believe that it is a good thing to walk around the corridors looking rushed, stressed and overworked, lending the appearance of being a superwoman (or man), whilst in reality wasting valuable space.

The light of my friend's experience in London were the interns. She mentions one in particular that she shadowed, and saw something amazing. The interns "hold it all together", she said. This particular intern had been a qualified doctor for 2 years, but because there aren't enough positions available for qualified doctors, he has to hang around and wait for the opportunity to fully use his qualification.

She saw how harried he was, doing the job of the nurses because they allegedly had no clue where anything was kept, and appeared to have little medical training. One in particular that my friend asked a question to in relation to taking blood replied that she didn't know the answer because she'd never taken blood! A nurse had never taken blood! So student and intern proceeded to schedule various blood-taking dates into their diaries for the day.

On top of this, the doctor-nurse politics conflicted with the care of the patients. I understand that this is a documented problem in the UK, but she said that to experience it in the way that she did was disturbing and cringe worthy. A nurse, apparently, is ever conscious of the second hand reaching the five to clock off at the end of the day, never mind that there is still one more 20 minute procedure to fit in. Sure, we all have our scheduled work days, we have families and friends to go home to, but if your profession is to care, surely you... care? I stayed later at my place of work many many times, and I added apostrophes to words and reviewed customer feedback/complaints. Not exactly life and death.

Doctor and nurse will snipe because, I suppose, they disrespect each other. From one point of view, this seems to be understandable.

So A&E in London? Filled with a number of excellent surgeons, but surrounded by poor support, suspicious working conditions in old buildings that cannot possibly be sterile, and shocking organisation. Surprised?

George George George

How could I ever form an argument as remarkably well as this man can?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/07/one-per-cent-wealth-destroyers

What an excellent article by George Monbiot.

Go on, take a look...

Tailored?

The joy and the despair of people sharing experiences with polar opposite outcomes can be directly translated to this example.

A lovely friend of mine went on a long holiday this year (3 months in South East Asia), and within that time he went to Vietnam. He went to a town called Hoi An on the coast to have a suit tailored to fit him. Months later, I went to Hoi An. Tailored clothes were on the agenda, but so was relaxing and this seemed like the perfect place in which to do it. Hoi An is quietly situated on a river, with restaurants and shops lining the water. Lanterns softly light the town at night, but night time adventures tend to cease at around 10.30pm. A little sanctuary. 

This friend enjoyed Hoi An and had a great experience with his tailor of choice, so much so that he recommended the place to me. I went there and I can say with confidence that I will absolutely not recommend it. I still like the person who recommended the place to me, for how can I blame him for my own disappointment? Indeed, my experience was a colossal disappointment, but maybe my expectations were too high.

The place is called Kimmy's, and in fairness to them, I get the impression that they are not one-of-a-kind shit, they are one-of-most-if-not-all-that-are shit.

The prices are high. By saying that they are high, of course I don't mean that they are anything like what they would be in London, but everything is relative. A good price comparison is a packet of cigarettes: in Vietnam, expect to pay about 65p for a packet of 20 Marlborough Lights compared to the £6.20ish that you would pay in the UK.

Anyhow, Vietnamese workers get paid little, but they pay little for food (around 30p for a meal in a restaurant), little for fuel for their mopeds, for rent et cetera. So to get charged US$120 for a suit jacket and trousers that can be made within hours is quite obscene, particularly in light of the terrible quality of craftsmanship. 

I say that it is obscene mainly because it is unclear to me where the money goes. The cost of the fabric in Asia is next to nothing, but if you ask them how much a wool mix per metre costs, they don't know or refuse to say, but charge a solid $20 extra for a 'better' fabric for the item that you have asked for. You can get beautiful silk fabric in London for £3 per metre, so I was fairly confident that I was getting ripped off on the basis of the costs of the fabric alone. 

Do the employees who spend a couple of hours stitching together a few seams in their tried and tested methods get the moolah? I saw no evidence to suggest that there were countless wealthy Vietnamese people walking around.

The friendly employees of Kimmy's take your measurements (shoulder to shoulder, neck circumference, neck to waist, shoulder to wrist, under arm circumference, upper arm measurement, waist, hips, thighs, waist to knee, nostril to nostril...), but to experience your first fitting is a huge surprise. Every detail of your body that they write down is used as more of a general guideline than as a rule. And every design detail that you ask to be included in your jacket/shirt/dress will be ignored because they also seem to adopt a basic template with which to make a lady's jacket/shirt/dress.

Intuitiveness is certainly not something that a Vietnamese tailor can lay claim to and celebrate. It seems as if they are instructed on how to make a basic item and no more. To incorporate changes that you insist on as a result of the first fitting being so wrong, they disregard anything else that needs to be altered to in order to maintain a balance with the design. Buttons are sewn on unevenly, scorch marks will be left on your 'better quality' fabric, sleeves are sewn in poorly so that they don't sit comfortably and they look uneven, sleeve lengths are too short... Seams on trousers are wonky; straps on dresses are mismatched; lengths that you ask for are not provided; pockets are fake!

I stayed in Hoi An for nearly a week because I enjoyed cycling to the beach, eating the good food, and revelling in the comparative quietness. But going back to Kimmy's again and again and again for refit after refit because they don't know how to sew well was unexpected, and it added some frustration to my experience there. 

It was also very dull having to try on these disappointing items of clothing. If it had been cheap, I would have been less bothered. But the fact is that I could get all of the items from the high street for the same price, of better quality and superior fit, and without expectations of perfection. For surely that's what tailoring is? Working to achieve results of perfection. If only I had appreciated the merits of what was already available to me.

Please don't mistake this entry for someone with no perspective - I realise that in the grand scheme of things that can go wrong in life, this is going to have little impact on me or anyone else. No one has died. It's just really irritating. A disappointing clothing experience? A little shallow, I guess. But I really really like clothes, and I was so looking forward to being the owner of beautifully crafted, perfectly fitting fabric on my small frame. So not the end of the world, but a sad little let down for sure.

Short Tight Black Skirt: A Story

Teeny tiny little black stretchy skirts adorn the bottoms - just about – of the man-conscious young woman in Sydney. Style? Non. Fashion? Iffy… but perhaps it has been a brief member of the fashion club. But in my opinion, a person dressing fashionably is doing so with art in mind, as well as a desire to impress/stun their peers for their innovation and daring, and not as a way to promote drooling or possible wolf whistles.

These skirts are worn day and night. They don’t just seem to be the nightclub or bar uniform. During the day, a loose top and/or jacket is mock-casually thrown with it, with suitably tousled hair or an ever complimentary top-knot. At night? Anything goes really, as long is it is a relatively small anything.

At night it is particularly comical to see, as a throng of young women will walk three or four abreast with their very similar attire. You will see this a number of times in one evening. There may be a slight difference with the texture of the fabric – perhaps one is wearing a ‘body-con’ style dress/skirt, with thick synthetic fabric that squashes the contents in a little. Perhaps someone else is wearing stretchy jersey fabric that rides up much more easily. Perhaps another has gone crazy and chosen mauve.

It is the norm to not be wearing tights with them. Unfortunately, a high percentage of women suffer from water retention, and the evidence is clear. It just baffles me that they would choose to display the water retention evidence so visibly.

There must be an equation that identifies this look:

Short (usually) black skirt + boy/men = flirtation + boost in confidence + sexting (and beyond)

I’ll admit that I’m not certain of how to balance this equation. But there it is.

And there is nothing wrong with the equation except for its obviousness and the baseness. There’s always a place for baseness. I eat pork scratchings after all.