Not so long ago, I would have said that judging a person by their friends was narrow minded, and that to put the same blanket over a group of people would stifle the individual personalities. But now I'm far less certain.
It could be fair to say that we choose our friends based on a model of ourselves - the values that we consider to be important in ourselves should be seen in the person that we wish to befriend, but perhaps more importantly, they embody traits and personalities that we wish to see more of in ourselves, characteristics that we aspire to have or improve upon. It is often the dream and the desire that helps make us who we are, helps make us more interesting, and helps us to try harder.
I am very much an all-or-nothing person, so in the spirit of relationships, a person is either a friend or they're not. The middling sorts remain to be sort of acquaintances, possibly I might text once or twice, share a giggle over some common ground - of which there is little - and leave it at that. If I click with somebody, (I mean honestly click, not earnestly try and get along with because they seem fun) and this is also rare, then I will want to pursue the clickiness with a view to turning it into something more substantial.
But there has to be some indication that this is a person that I can trust. Could I count on them to be honest? Can I count on them to keep a secret about a dramatic life change? Can I trust that they will support me in times of happiness and success as well as the times that I tread in shit? Will that smile be genuine if I go on a date with a dream boat (this is a hypothetical extreme), or will they be grinding their teeth in jealousy, and then bitch about it to someone else? Do they trust me?
I expect people to expect a lot from me, so in return I expect a lot from them. This is true of both men and women. As I write this, I'm aware that I've been somewhat self-obsessed of late and have let a few people down but, you know, that moon out there is bright tonight so the tide is changing...
But as for judging a person by their friends, I would say that it is a reasonably safe parameter in which to set your expectations. It's easy to be blinded by different temperaments, perhaps also by slightly different IQ levels, but for a group of people to gel together, they generally have to share the same values and be of a similar opinion about what is important in life. So the group of people that you see boozing together every week will all believe that this lifestyle is ideal, and that's why they fit together and have a great time.
The man that you see across the room boasting about that crazy time in that crazy city with those crazy people is probably going to be quite similar to his friend, the guy you're talking with, who on first, second and third inspection seems much more considerate and thought-provoking. He's actually just a slightly more elegant person with a milder manner, but with the same shallow ideals. Shame.
We all have our quirks and personal habits, certain little hobbies and different job/careers, and these are what set us apart as unique individuals. But a person's friends, for better or worse, will give you a strong indication of what to expect of them. This must mean that I'm awesome.
