Chomping

To chomp.

Chomping. Chompers. People who make a lot of noise when they eat. It is the sound of the tongue hitting the inner walls of the mouth, probably with a fair bit of moisture involved, and the visual that coincides usually means there is an over-present tongue and some rolling and shifting of chewing gum or food. It can also be messy.

As that tongue of his looks slimy and slippery when he's simply 'talking', it's the sort of sound that you can feel sure that Steven Gerrard makes when eating. Just imagine what happens when that mouth moves with food rolling around in it! He is like the human equivalent of a cow, but without any of the endearing and beautiful features that a cow has.

I apologise. It was cruel to share Steven Gerrard's probable disgusting habits with you. But dear God, this has to be one of the most frustrating and infuriating sounds in the world! More so than, say, an incessant car alarm in the dead of a school night, or a nearby work colleague tap tap tapping a pen on a hard surface.

I realise that this may seem hyperbolic to some, but I cannot help but feel repulsed by it. Especially if it's in public because, aside from sounding revolting, it is so very rude. I do not want to know about any stranger's bodily processes, particularly in a communal space when there may not be any chance of escape. This is something that should be as subtle and private as possible.